Staying Married
This is by Kelley Thompson, proud father of the groom!
My sister-in-law asked me recently, "How is it you and Marilyn have stayed married so long?" (27 years today 01/15/2011). As a result of that question and to respond to her, Marilyn and I decided to come up with some reasons why. Although we threw the ideas out there together, this list is from an admittedly MALE point of view. Since I'm the web designer and she's not, I get to do that... ;P
Love
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I know it sounds kind of trite today, but having God in our marriage is a good thing. The stuff He says in the Bible about relationships and marriage works.
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Both of us WANT THIS relationship to work. Seems obvious, but there are a lot of people out there who do things that show they are planning for their relationship to fail...
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Treat her gently. Remember she's not the same as you. Give her some common consideration.
(1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.") -
I try not to take her for granted. I don't just assume she's going to wash the dishes; I get in there and do 'em myself. Or vacuum. Or wash clothes. Or clean house (although we sometimes have a different definition of what a 'clean house' is...). Or whatever needs to be done.
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Remember to treat her nicely and that she is an individual with feelings and her own tastes. I realized one day quite a while back, to my dismay, that I seemed to treat my work clients better than I treated my own wife, and I didn't have to live with them! I wasn't treating her badly, but that realization made me treat Marilyn better.
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Sometimes she makes me crazy and I don't love her. That's one of the times when 'the promise' comes in (you know, love, honor, cherish, etc., etc.)!
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I remember to enjoy the time I spend with her (otherwise I tend to take it for granted).
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Sounds horrible, but she is NOT my best friend. I can say ANYthing I want to my best friend, but when I tried that on Marilyn it didn't work so well...
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Touching is important. At least for me it is. Touch is one way I communicate affection. I like lots of hugs! And I like holding her hand, putting my arm around her. Guess this could go under 'Sex' too... :-)
Sex
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Just because you're married to each other doesn't mean it's a free-for-you any time. Her body is hers. She gets to say 'what' and 'when'. Yes, I know the Bible says her body is yours and your body is hers, but... in practice I don't think it works that way all the time. The older she gets, I've noticed that 'when' gets to be more often. ;) Yay!
DID YOU KNOW - A woman that wants sex all the time is referred to as a 'nymphomaniac'. A man that wants sex all the time is called a 'man'. :D -
In my opinion, anything you agree to try together that feels good to each of you and doesn't hurt the other in any way is OK. Pain is not ever sexy.
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Being willing to try different things together is good. Keyword: "together".
Disagreements
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After we've had a 'rough patch', when I start wondering to myself 'Why did I EVER marry this woman?', I have to remind myself what it was that attracted me to her in the first place. In my case, it was her good looks, the kind way she treated me, and her mom/dad/family's love for each other - something I really missed out on growing up. Your (my sister-in-law) Mom and Dad are MY Mom and Dad.
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Is it REALLY worth arguing about? So many people argue over things that are really silly. Sometimes it's easy to get sucked into a silly argument. A classic example is where one spouse squeezes the toothpaste from the middle, while the other spouse prefers it to be squeezed from the end. The point is, ultimately it really doesn't matter. It is important for both spouses to find ways to work together.
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Communication is important. I'm not a mind reader. One time I came home to find Marilyn rushing around the house doing stuff - LOTs of stuff. She would glare at me every time she went by. Finally she said "Can't you see I need help?" I said "Yes dear, and I'm more than willing to help you, but I don't know WHERE you need me to help you!" See, what she considers a priority and what I think should be are not always (OK, never) the same thing. After she told me, I was able to help her and everything settled down.
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Approach each other humbly. I'm not any better than she is. I have to admit it when I'm wrong, no one can be right 100% of the time. Some of us come close, though. :)
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I have to remember during heated disagreements that I love her. Sometimes the person I hurt the most is the person I least want to.
Children
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United front. Always. Our little darlin's tried to work us against each other all the time. Too late I found out that if we had a discipline disagreement, I needed to excuse both of us to a location away from the kids so we could work it out, and THEN go present our newly-united from to them. Dang! Wish I had done that way back when. Fortunately, those were far and few between.
Temptation
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'There, but for the grace of God, go I.' Every single man on this earth walks a tightrope with temptation, whether they are able to act on it or not. Remembering this verse in the Bible helps me - Proverbs 5:19 '...may her breasts satisfy you at all times, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.'
Money
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We throw ours together. We're in for the long haul. That said, I realize sometimes it doesn't work out that way with some couples.
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We talk to each other about what we spend and decide together on common financial goals. We usually come to an agreement on spending anything over $50, unless it's gas for the car. She's the better financial partner, I realize this, I listen to her. Smart me!